My second marriage was driven by an issue of hardship for the mother.
She had lost her husband to prison, and suddenly had inadequate income to support their four kids.
So before her husband had even been sentenced, she was on EHarmony and picked me out. She researched my veterinary license and checked me out on social media to make sure that I was a strong earner, and basically a good person, and reached out. She used her counseling skills to assess my needs, and provided those. I’m a “fixer” and I was needed, and made to feel that way.
I adopted the kids within months at the request of their family, to protect them from their father who was in prison for abuse of those kids. But that was my undoing.
She and her kids were emotionally and financially supported for four and a half years. When she no longer needed me because her new business had become profitable (I paid her car note, cell phone, insurance and 100% of her needs while her new business startup was in the red), I was ejected from the family in a extremely hostile divorce complaint, a result of which is I am saddled with providing $200,000 in alimony, health insurance coverage and child support for seven years. We were only married for 4 1/2 years and not a drop of my blood flows in their veins. I am paying child support for kids that aren't even of my making, and I've only known for 4.5 years. Even her parents turned on me as a financial target (and bankrolled her divorce proceedings). Ironically, my Alimony reimburses her for the entire expense. (“And then some”).
The adoption had been intended to protect the kids from their actual father, but it turned out to be nefariously intended for their mother’s financial portfolio as well.
I have to live with the fact that I was just a pragmatic solution, a necessary “utensil”. Obviously not particularly wanted, loved, respected or valued.
Or at least not valued for anything that couldn’t be replaced by the letter of the law in a divorce proceeding, than would be provided in a marriage. Namely, a male presence and emotional availability. The message was clear: “That will be all, my drone, you may go now, but your money stays.”
Less than 60 days after filing for divorce, she was back on E harmony chatting with doctors; (including myself under the pseudonym of a Canton radiologist of the appropriate age and income level).
When I realized that I was just a tool, it annihilated my trust and belief in that family. I had never encountered anything so reptilian.
On sad reflection, I believe that besides myself, the most significant victims are the children. Besides a few years of marriage, I have no significant ties to the adults/history/culture of that family. Besides my longterm financial tether, I can completely exit the blast radius of that kind of calculating, Machiavellian world-view. The kids were born into it, and may have difficulty avoiding some of the behaviors they may internalize as ‘normal’.
My hope is that some day I will be regarded accurately as the gullible ‘patsy’ that bought their freedom from mandatory visitation with their biological father and who paid their way until they were 18.
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